You Will Find No Victim Here

Healing out loud in a world that benefits from silence.

It started with reclaiming my mindset. Then my body. Then my choices. And before I knew it, I was no longer just healing — I was rising against everything that ever tried to keep me small.

I’ve published nine posts in nine days. Each one peeling back a layer of the onion that is me. A breadcrumb, of sorts, back to the real me — the me before the hurt. A trail I’m laying in real-time.

These posts are not curated confessions or polished chapters. They’re raw and sacred. Each word, each memory, offered its moment in the light. They exist because I’ve fought tirelessly, my entire life, to swim against a current most don’t even realize they’re in.

For a long time, I thought that meant there was something seriously wrong with me. Even as recently as yesterday, I found myself questioning my sanity. But as I reflect on the small moments I’ve shared, and the even bigger ones I haven’t, I marvel at the depth of delusion it took to reach this moment of clarity.

I used to muffle my voice. To override it. To ignore what I knew. I didn’t trust my decision-making. Like something was holding me back… like a steel grip around my hips, anchoring me in place. But even in a standstill, I have been fighting to release the grip.

My words here are going to help find it. Radical faith.

How I Plan to Rewire Publicly

A big part of this is by addressing the situations that still haunt me. The deep breath I never took. The whisper I muffled. The ‘yes’ I said when my entire body screamed no.

For me, it all really comes down to the fact that I never learned how to trust my intuition. Not just hear it — act on it. That’s the part that guts me. The “if only I had just not answered his call.” The “if only I had accepted that offer.” The “if only I had pushed him away.”

This is a huge life lesson that I hope to talk about over and over again so that on the days my kids have choices in front of them, they choose to listen to their inner voice.

I am still going through it. There’s still trauma lodged deep in my nervous system. There’s still patterning that needs to be dissolved. But now that my nervous system is the closest to regulated as it ever has been, I’m here to continue the process of rewiring my brain publicly — because I can handle it now.

I’m reprogramming my thought processes, my choices, my beliefs — out loud — because I have been so very lost in the silence.

What I’m Healing From

I am healing from the programming. Healing from childhood trauma. Healing from adult trauma. Healing from toxins. Healing from the delusion that “they” have your best interest at heart. Healing from the belief that someone else is coming to save you.

Every word I type loosens the grip a little more.

I’m not a victim. I am a woman who is alive. Awake. Human. Fighting to be a little better today than I was yesterday. That makes me a fighter, a warrior. A goddess of our times. Call it ego. Call it narcissism. But when wielded with integrity and intention and in harm to none, those traits become power.

Leaving the Metaphors Behind

Let me tell you exactly where I’m coming from. I have an understanding that our society is run by an elite few — families, corporations, systems. I understand that most governments answer to them. I understand that we are being poisoned through our food, water, our healthcare, our hygiene products, everything. I understand that we have sixty years left of usable soil. That if we don’t change how we live now, there won’t be a future to exist in.

I understand that we chose to be here, on this planet, during this time of collapse and awakening. I understand that the devices we hold in our hands are causing cancer in our bodies and confusion in our minds. I understand that the only way forward is unity. Not red. Not blue. Just us.

I understand that more of us need to know how to:

• Grow herbs and food
• Use natural medicine
• Feed ourselves without factory shelves or drive-thrus
• Regulate our minds without pharmaceuticals
• Unplug from false programming

I don’t just understand it. I live it. That was the only way I could come to you. I had to actually wake up to this new reality and find a way to thrive before talking about it.

What I’ve Built

It started with food consumption. Finding meals that are completely organic, ethically harvested, low histamine for my PMDD, high protein, and feed a household full of people without relying on processed food? It’s exhausting and stressful. But five years in, I’m finally getting into a rhythm. I’ll be sharing those meals, tips, and recipes in future posts.

About three years ago, I started making toothpaste, toothpowder, and mouthwash. Nothing on a grocery store shelf belongs in your mouth. I make our skincare, our laundry detergent, all-purpose cleaner, bug spray, plant food, sourdough, spices from homegrown herbs, dog food. I’ve handcrafted every tincture in my in-home apothecary.

I’m not doing this to be trendy. I’m doing this because I believe it will keep my kids, and their kids, alive when what we know to exist… no longer does. I am not an expert. But I am a woman walking the walk. Still inside the matrix. But no longer controlled by it.

Telling the Truth

This is why I tell my story. Why I write so raw. Why the last few posts have been so personal. You need to get to know me, where I came from, to understand the impact of my words.

And even without a lot of the gory details, telling the truth stirs up humiliation, shame, guilt. All lingering shadows of victimhood that need to be addressed, forgiven, and let go of. Because I am not staying in that place. And neither are you. That’s why you’re still reading this.

As long as we stay in the victim mindset, we are their slaves. We will always struggle. Always hurt. Always feel helpless. The revolution is in the rebellion of consciousness.

Turn it all off. The news, the games, the streaming, the soundtracks, the ads. Question every ingredient. Shop locally. Barter. Plant food. Teach others. Build farm stands. Set boundaries. Say no. Learn to be a little better every day.

Alcohol is a mind-control substance. Learn how to live without it. Sit in the discomfort. Observe your thoughts in silence. Breathe. That is the rebellion.

Learn how to alchemize grief, terror, and panic into power. Learn how to set the frequency of your home. Learn how to hold power with softness. Become the master of your own energy. And live that truth out loud.

— AudraHealing out loud, so you don't have to heal in silence.